CONCEITEDVILLE

Blog #1: I’m Not Dating Potential Anymore

I used to be the queen of “but he could be.”

He could be consistent if I just give him time. He could be honest if I just show him I’m different. He could be ready if I just love him through this season.

Nah. I’m 33 and tired of auditioning for a role in somebody else’s unfinished life.

I’m learning to date what is actually in front of me, not the PowerPoint presentation he gave me on the first three dates. Not the future version he swears is coming after he gets the promotion, after he moves out his cousin house, after he “figures some things out.” 

What a person shows you in the first 90 days is usually the blueprint. If he’s inconsistent then, he’s inconsistent period. If he’s secretive with his phone then, he’s secretive period. If he only calls after 10pm, only wants to link at your place, only talks about himself — believe that.

That’s the part that hit me hardest living in the DMV. 

In Landover, in PG, in DC, in VA — it’s the same conversation with different area codes. You meet somebody fine, funny, got a good job, maybe even goes to church sometimes. Then week three you find out you are not the only one getting the good morning text. Or he’s “single but dealing with someone.” Or he’s in a whole situationship he forgot to mention.

It starts to feel like you just have to accept sharing a man out here if you want companionship. Like loyalty got left on 495 somewhere between National Harbor and Tyson’s.

I’m not bitter, I’m just done pretending that’s normal. Love, loyalty, commitment — it feels like those words got redefined to mean “as long as it’s convenient.” Everybody wants the benefits of a wife without the accountability of a husband.

So I’m not dating for potential anymore. I’m not trying to fix, raise, heal, or wait on a grown man.

AND THATS JUST THAT, FOH.